38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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