What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
