dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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