Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
