sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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