i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
