i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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