hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
