Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
