I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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