i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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