my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize