Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
