I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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