I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
