I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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