I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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