remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
