I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
