yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
