I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
