i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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