I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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