You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
