So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
