I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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