we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
