i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
