Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize