This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
