While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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