My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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