So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
