I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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