Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
