Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
