Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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