you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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