Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
