well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
