So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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