So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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