PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
