You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
