so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
