i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
