In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Houston, we have a blender
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
