He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
