I faked an abortion last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
