I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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