first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
