your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
