You're completely useless in the revolution.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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