Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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