Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
