hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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