Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize