Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
